Discussion in 'Cardiff City Forum' started by Sam1927, 14 Sep 2017.
Over 30 pages of hilarious Viz Top Tips
PRETEND to be a GIANT lion tamer by hitting your cat in the face with a chair from a doll's house.
CONVINCE people you're Tom Cruise by jumping off your neighbours roof and then limping away sheepishly.
TV PRESENTERS. You won't see me after the break. That's not how television works.
RECREATE a New York deli experience by eating a stale bap with a hole poked through it and declaring it "supoib".
SAUSAGES are a delicious alternative to vegetarian sausages.
footballers - have your name and number tattooed on your back in case there's a colour clash and you need to play in skins.
TRICK people into thinking that you've been to the gym by being boring, hungry & sweaty.
GET the experience of speaking to Neanderthal man without the hassle of time travel by placing an ad on Gumtree.
Shoplifters ... walk backwards into shops, so if you get caught by security, when the cctv footage is rewound , you can prove you already left shop before crime was committed
ALWAYS keep a hammer next to your wireless in case a DJ says "Next up, Mumford and Sons".
PARENTS. Encourage your kids to swear by getting a shih-tzu or a fucking labrador.
FOOTBALLERS. Embark on a scintillating run of goalscoring form by simply having me take you out of my Fantasy Football team.
For anyone worried about their GCSE results, remember that it's too late to stop climate change & most of you will die fighting for water.
TRICK every person you meet in to thinking that you are a website by obnoxiously insisting that they accept your cookies
CONVINCE people you're a New Zealander by protesting that you sound nothing like an Australian in an Australian accent.
Discourage jugglers from visiting you by only having one of everything.