Discussion in 'Cardiff City Forum' started by Sam1927, 14 Sep 2017.
A pear makes an ideal chicken leg substitute for vegetarians.
FIND OUT YOUR TWAT NAME-- Simply take your first name and replace it with Piers. Then take your surname and replace it with Morgan.
Convince sleeping people they have shat themselves in their sleep when they wake by placing a Snickers bar between their bum cheeks as the sleep. The peanuts in the Snickers add authenticity.
RECREATE Babestation by pushing your bed up to the window and shaking your phone at the neighbours.
HOUSEWIVES: Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, circle the soiled area with a permanent pen so that when you remove it from the washing machine you can check the stain has gone.
For you everyday sado-masochists:
When nailing your scrotom to the kitchen table for sexual gratification, first make sure a pair of pliers are within hands reach and not in the shed at the bottom of the garden in a tool box.
EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.
PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.
Skiers: Carry a dog biscuit in your pocket. That way, in the event of an avalanche the rescue dog will find you first
How is it that Channel 4’s Big Brother are allowed to install cameras in a house and watch the residents’ every move. But when I put one tiny camera in my neighbour’s bathroom I get bound over for 12 months. There’s no justice!
Toasters make ideal sunbeds for hands.
Slightly overweight women, look and feel like you are Kate Moss by moving to Swansea.
Older women, don't spend a fortune on anti-ageing cosmetics as they will jeopardise your chances of being offered a seat on the bus.
ICE sculptures. To avoid sweating under the heat of tough questions and studio lights, just avoid the situation altogether. Like Boris.
BLOKES, convince your girlfriend to swallow by saying shit like "Spunk is good for the immune system" or "Cum actually breaks down fat and helps you lose weight."