1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Viz Top Tips

Discussion in 'Cardiff City Forum' started by Sam1927, 14 Sep 2017.

  1. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    MOTORISTS. When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice quickly, and watch the driver in front hit his brakes when he thinks he's been caught.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  2. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    PRACTICE opening your Xmas presents and how to fake looking pleased, by purchasing a sandwich from Subway.
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  3. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    ASCERTAIN whether you are working class or middle class by simply saying the word 'Nougat'.
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  4. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    DRIVERS. Improve your reaction times by always driving as close as possible to the vehicle in front.
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  5. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    A SHREDDED Wheat on a stick makes a great back scrubber for the first couple of seconds of your bath.
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  6. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    HOSPITALS. Increase the revenue from on-site car parking by selling off the cars left by dead patients.
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  7. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    MAKE a neighbour feel less alone by asking them who it is you keep seeing in the window of their spare room.
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  8. PlumberAde

    PlumberAde Ballon d'Or Winner
    🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 ❶ 1 YEAR ❶

    Joined:
    25 Mar 2018
    Messages:
    2,227
    Likes Received:
    448
    Ratings:
    +4,636 / 66 / -12
    I have done this but didn't get a response.
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  9. Steve R

    Steve R Ballon d'Or Winner
    ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🗐🗐🗐 30 PAGER 🗐🗐🗐

    Joined:
    28 Aug 2017
    Messages:
    8,787
    Likes Received:
    1,120
    Ratings:
    +18,765 / 663 / -82
    :hehe: Not just me then.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  10. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    LADIES. Prevent sexist workmen from shouting "Get yer tits out!" by having them permanently on display.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  11. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    RUNNERS. Prevent the annoying 'jogging on the spot' when waiting at the roadside by simply crossing without looking.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  12. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    GET REVENGE on neighbours with dogs that bark all night by stealing the dog & putting it in YOUR garden to see how THEY like it.
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  13. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    TIRED of busy city streets?
    Simply wear a bright jacket with a charity name on the back and watch people swerve you.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  14. Goslow

    Goslow Ich bin ein fotze
    🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🗐🗐🗐🗐 200 PAGER 🗐🗐🗐🗐

    Joined:
    31 Oct 2017
    Messages:
    7,227
    Likes Received:
    886
    Ratings:
    +16,782 / 422 / -191
    3A7C8B01-7F65-4EFD-8E97-97BD4224D39D.jpeg
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  15. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    ELEPHANT in the room. Fed-up of being ignored? Simply release a loud fart, or piss on the floor like that one off Blue Peter.
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  16. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    AVOID paying toilet attendants for soap and towels by insisting you were only doing coke and so don't need to wash your hands.
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  17. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    DECORATE your artificial Xmas tree with Magic Tree car air fresheners to get that authentic pine smell.
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  18. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    OLD PEOPLE .Stay warm and safe this winter by wrapping yourselves in aluminium foil. Not only will this conserve vital body heat, but it will also make you look a bit like Robocop, thus going some way to deterring would-be burglars.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  19. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    COLOUR BLIND PEOPLE. Avoid accidents by getting out of your car at traffic lights to feel which one's warm.
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  20. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐ 🏆 GOLD MEMBER 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    18,194
    Likes Received:
    8,059
    Ratings:
    +31,557 / 314 / -36
    CONFUSE teenagers by replying to their texts in English.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote