MOTORISTS. When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice quickly, and watch the driver in front hit his brakes when he thinks he's been caught.
PRACTICE opening your Xmas presents and how to fake looking pleased, by purchasing a sandwich from Subway.
A SHREDDED Wheat on a stick makes a great back scrubber for the first couple of seconds of your bath.
HOSPITALS. Increase the revenue from on-site car parking by selling off the cars left by dead patients.
MAKE a neighbour feel less alone by asking them who it is you keep seeing in the window of their spare room.
LADIES. Prevent sexist workmen from shouting "Get yer tits out!" by having them permanently on display.
RUNNERS. Prevent the annoying 'jogging on the spot' when waiting at the roadside by simply crossing without looking.
GET REVENGE on neighbours with dogs that bark all night by stealing the dog & putting it in YOUR garden to see how THEY like it.
TIRED of busy city streets? Simply wear a bright jacket with a charity name on the back and watch people swerve you.
ELEPHANT in the room. Fed-up of being ignored? Simply release a loud fart, or piss on the floor like that one off Blue Peter.
AVOID paying toilet attendants for soap and towels by insisting you were only doing coke and so don't need to wash your hands.
DECORATE your artificial Xmas tree with Magic Tree car air fresheners to get that authentic pine smell.
OLD PEOPLE .Stay warm and safe this winter by wrapping yourselves in aluminium foil. Not only will this conserve vital body heat, but it will also make you look a bit like Robocop, thus going some way to deterring would-be burglars.
COLOUR BLIND PEOPLE. Avoid accidents by getting out of your car at traffic lights to feel which one's warm.
