1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Viz Top Tips

Discussion in 'Cardiff City Forum' started by Sam1927, 14 Sep 2017.

  1. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    SAVE having to buy an expensive personalised number plate by simply changing your name to match your existing place

    Mr MM14 ZVC
    Redcar
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  2. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    MAKE your wife scream while you’re having sex by phoning her up and telling her
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  3. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    GOLFERS an ice cream cornet makes an ideal golf tee in an emergency
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  4. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    RESTRING that old tennis racquet wit piano wire and hey presto, you have a chipper for potatoes, boiled eggs etc, and it also allows you to practice your forehand whilst cooking
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  5. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    If you got unwanted presents this Christmas, simply return them to the givers with a note saying "this is a load of of shit" and next year, they'll give you something you do want.
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  6. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    Cold meat manufacturers. Fool customers into believing your packaging can be opened easily by printing 'Peel Here' at any corner of the pack, knowing full well that this is not actually possible.
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
    • Winner Winner x 2
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  7. Steve R

    Steve R Ballon d'Or Winner
    🏆 GOLD 🏆 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🗐🗐🗐 30 PAGER 🗐🗐🗐

    Joined:
    28 Aug 2017
    Messages:
    11,467
    Likes Received:
    1,431
    Ratings:
    +27,947 / 747 / -100
    RECREATE that first fart of the morning aroma by simply opening a packet of Iceland ham.
     
    • Funny Funny x 7
  8. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    PRETEND you’re a giant panda by giving yourself two black eyes, eating bamboo shoots and refusing to have sex with your wife
     
    • Funny Funny x 7
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  9. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    Make little things count, teach mathematics to dwarves.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  10. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    IMPROVE the quality of your junk mail by always ticking the ‘over £100,000 income’ box on market research questionnaires
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  11. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    ASTHMATICS avoid going on holiday to places where the scenery is described as breathtaking in the brochure
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  12. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    I'm so good in bed, women can never remember my name or phone number the next day.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  13. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    Jamie Oliver's wife is doing Dry January this month. She's still drinking, but simply not standing in front of her lispy cunt of a husband when he talks.
     
    • Funny Funny x 7
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  14. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    AVOID the unnecessary expense of buying clay pigeons by shooting real ones, there’s plenty of them in our towns and cities
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
    #1254 Travis Bickle, 3 Jan 2020 at 20:40
    Last edited: 3 Jan 2020
  15. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    CAT OWNERS, save money on expensive cat carriers, simply tie you pets tail to one of its back legs with a cable tie, to make a handy carrying loop.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  16. Goslow

    Goslow Ich bin ein fotze
    💎💎 DIAMOND 💎💎 🏆 GOLD 🏆 🏃🏃🏃 500 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    31 Oct 2017
    Messages:
    13,624
    Likes Received:
    4,211
    Ratings:
    +34,615 / 656 / -1,661
    1A7A4FDA-8023-46BF-972E-F1AAD6F097F3.jpeg
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  17. Colonel Cardiffi

    Colonel Cardiffi C'mon CITY!
    ⚽ MODERATOR ⚽ 🏃🏃🏃 600 PAGER 🏃🏃🏃 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷

    Joined:
    26 Aug 2017
    Messages:
    42,658
    Likes Received:
    10,459
    Ratings:
    +68,025 / 2,127 / -250
    "get back at the vegans" :hehe:
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote
  18. Mad Al

    Mad Al Dwarf Quiz Winner
    🏆 GOLD 🏆 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🗐🗐🗐 30 PAGER 🗐🗐🗐 🍺 BEER CLUB 🍺

    Joined:
    20 Jul 2018
    Messages:
    23,753
    Likes Received:
    6,288
    Ratings:
    +66,419 / 443 / -42
    'Walt Beef-Sandwich ':hehe:
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
  19. Steve R

    Steve R Ballon d'Or Winner
    🏆 GOLD 🏆 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🗐🗐🗐 30 PAGER 🗐🗐🗐

    Joined:
    28 Aug 2017
    Messages:
    11,467
    Likes Received:
    1,431
    Ratings:
    +27,947 / 747 / -100
    The man who invented personalised number plates has died.

    His funeral will take place at 11am on TUE504Y 14TH J4NU4RY.
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
  20. Travis Bickle

    Travis Bickle Ballon d'Or Winner
    ⭐⭐⭐ PLATINUM ⭐⭐⭐ 👌👌👌 1000 PAGER 👌👌👌 ❷ 2 YEARS ❷ 🏅 LIFETIME
    ACHIEVEMENT 🏅
    I ❤ NEIL HARRIS 👩 Muff Buff 👩

    Joined:
    4 Dec 2017
    Messages:
    39,330
    Likes Received:
    18,081
    Ratings:
    +68,637 / 531 / -51
    LORRY DRIVERS make time appear to stand still by attempting to overtake another lorry without actually accelerating
     
    • Funny Funny x 6
    Stop hovering to collapse... Click to collapse... Hover to expand... Click to view full quote